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Resolving conflict

We all must have had conflict with a very dear person and sometimes because we’re hurting, resolving is not always easy.

There is this friend of mine that at a particular time had a boyfriend that was almost her fiancé, their love was that strong really. But a very little thing happened that just changed everything they shared. And one thing I learnt from their conflict was that, delay only deepens resentment and makes matter worse. In conflict time heals nothing it only causes hurts to fester. The more you linger because you’re hurt the more you get hurt and starts seeing things are are unnecessary. And I also notice that they both allowed their anger get the better part of them and they attacked themselves instead of the problem. And guess what……

To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do and you are only hurting yourself with your anger. There are better ways to resolve conflict, rather than causing pain, making unnecessary excuse and breaking off without resolving.


* Always take the initiative: It doesn’t matter whether you’re the offender or the offended, make the first move. Don’t wait for the other party, go to them first. Restoring broke relationship is so important. When a relationship is strained or broken, plan a peace conference ASAP. Don’t procrastinate and make excuses. Choosing the right time and place to meet determines the success of the peace conference. Don’t meet when either of you are tired or will be interrupted. The best time is when you both are at your best.

*Feel their pain too: Sympathize with their feelings. Use your ears more than your mouth when trying to resolve conflict and restore any relationship because, Before attempting to solve any disagreement you must first listen to people’s feelings. Look out for one another’s interest not just your own. The phrase ‘look out for’ is from a Greek word Skopos, from which the word telescope and microscope is formed. It means pay close attention! Focus on one another’s feelings not facts first begin with sympathy not solution. Don’t try to talk people out of how they feel first. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive. Nod that you understand even when you don’t agree.

Feelings are not always true or logical. In fact resentment makes us all act and think in foolish ways. We all act beastly sometimes when hurt, it takes God and a level of maturity to handle conflict well when hurt.

*Confess your part of conflict: confession is powerful for reconciliation. Often the way we handle conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself. This has happened to me severally. When you begin by humbly admitting your mistake (which most of us don’t like to do), it defuses the other person’s Anger and disarms their attack ( it works like magic I’ve tried this trust me) because the person will expect you to be defensive.

Do not make excuses or shift blame just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict, accept responsibility for your mistake and ask for forgiveness.

*Attack the problem not the person: you cannot fix a problems if you’re consumed with fixing the blame. A gentle response defuses anger but a sharp tongue kindles a temper fire. You can never get your word across by being cross, so choose your words wisely. A soft answer is better than a sarcastic one. In resolving conflict how you say it is as important as what you say. If you say it offensively it will be received defensively.

*Focus on reconciliation and not resolution : It is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship,while resolution focuses
on the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant. We reestablish relationship even when we’re unable to resolve our differences. We can get into an honest disagreement and differing opinions. But we can disagree without being disagreeable. We must respect each other’s view, because the same diamond looks different from different angle.

Yunno, from the story above, if they had actually focused on reconciliation and not finding fault it wouldn’t have gotten to the point where they had to just walk out of a potential relationship which had a positive lead without a word. This lovey lovey relationship was all shattered because they were both pointing fingers and were not ready to admit their mistakes.

One thing we should all understand is that,we should do everything possible on our part to live in peace with everybody. Peace always has a price tag. Sometimes it costs our self centeredness and pride. For the sake of relationship, do your best to compromise, adjust to others. Focus more on showing people how to cooperate instead of competing or fighting.

What conflict do you find difficult to resolve?? Drop your opinion🙏

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5 replies on “Resolving conflict”

“…delay only deepens resentment and makes matter worse”
It takes alot of understanding, and wanting to make things work for people to look past their hurts and choose to resolve their differences.
But truthfully the more you wait and bottle it up, the more painful it becomes.
Thank you so much for this, it’s been an eye-opener

Liked by 1 person

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